A woman walked into a bar…
No, she didn’t.
A woman walked into a bar, had a couple of beers, got chatting to some of the regulars, found at least one of them was a useful contact and arranged to have a more formal chat with his colleague later in the week, heard some fascinating insights about Kazakhstan from an old-timer, and arranged to take a trip up to the mountains with all three of them at the weekend.
No really, that never happened.
I did try going out to bars by myself when I new no one in town except Mr Elusive and one fellow foreign correspondent. Wanting to see the promised glamour, I went by Vogue Bar late one afternoon and sipped a lethally strong martini in a room empty except for me and the bar staff. But show up at Soho, Guns ’n’ Roses or Mad Murphy’s alone on a Friday night? No chance.
I enjoy all of these as part of a group, but if you go alone as a woman you’re seen as completely up for it (though there will be questions as to whether you change for this or not). And men have one of two reactions to this: 1) fear or 2) rampant lust. The latter is generally aroused among elderly letchers. Neither of those lead to useful contacts unless by “useful” you mean contact between his sweaty hand and your bum.
If you go out with another woman it’s not always ok either. I remember one night out with my beautiful local friend. We were quietly minding our own business, dressed in casual jeans-and-a-nice-top outfits, and chatting over a couple of beers, when we were surrounded by a group of middle-aged oil workers we were unable to shake. We eventually gave up and went home.
Another evening, in another part of the same hotel complex, we were having a glass of cognac after a night of dancing and we got offered a princely $200 for a night of passion with a visiting Japanese businessman. Needless to say, this was not the kind of useful contact I had in mind either.
So how do women make friends and network in Almaty?
I’ll admit, my first few months were pretty lonely. But once I made a few friends and acquaintances in Almaty, things started to snowball. We got to know each others’ friends and acquaintances, welcomed new arrivals and people passing through the city, and now I have several true close friends, both Kazakh and expat, and a wide circle of friendly acquaintances.
1. First stop should be the Almaty International Women’s Club (AIWC). It runs a monthly professional women’s networking group, and a lot of other events and charitable programmes. I’ve been a member since I arrived, though a lot of the events don’t work for my schedule. It’s primarily aimed at and organised by trailing spouses of men working in Kazakhstan, so most of the events take place during the working day (when I’m working), rather than at evenings and weekends, when for my first few months in Almaty I was mostly sitting at home by myself.
2. Put the word out among your friends and on Facebook. I’ve discovered a surprisingly large number of friends of friends who passed through or even settled in Kazakhstan since I’ve been living here.
3. Try meeting strangers over social networks. I don’t host on Couchsurfing because I live and work in a studio flat, but I’ve met some very cool people through the site. I gave a tour of the city to a French couple visiting Almaty, and used it to meet people when I was visiting Dushanbe. I also used MyLanguageExchange, though those contacts never went from online to IRL.
4. Join the What’s On Almaty Facebook group. Started by a good friend of mine, this is a fantastic resource to share information about what’s happening and
5. Find out about events in the city. I’ve been to fashion shows at shopping malls, restaurant openings, conferences and many other events. I recommend avoiding events focused on alcohol (such as a beer fest) as these can get messy, especially for a single female.
6. Let young Kazakhs practice their English. English is one of the official languages of Kazakhstan (along with Kazakh and Russian). It’s widely taught in schools and most of the younger generation speak at least some — and are very eager to practice. This isn’t so good if you’ve been studying Kazakh or Russian and want to practice yourself! But sparing some time to chat with youngsters in English is a lovely way to get to know people.
7. When I’m out of town I have to find new ways to meet people. I’ve noticed that a lot of articles on Central Asia written on short trips to the region include a quote from a taxi driver — that’s because the taxi driver is probably the first person anyone visiting gets chatting to. If I want to chat to local people but don’t know anyone in town, I don’t head to the bar but to the beauty salon. It’s safe, it’s convivial, and best of all no one tries to get their hands into your nether regions (unless you’re there for a bikini wax).
Steppe in Style 
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